Open Marriage

Posted: September 12, 2017 in cheater, Communication, Married, Uncategorized

This is going to be one of those quick and dirty posts. I haven’t thought it al the way out but i wanted to share. I have reaized many people are either in open marriages by force or in them unknowingly. In this day and age it seems like everyone is falling behind one narrative or another the popular one is “one person can’t be everything to another.” Lets examine that for a second because there is merit there at the same time if your husband/wife can’t be your best friend does that mean your best friend needs to be your lover as well? Since when does having more people in your sphere of friends translate to alternate and additional relationships? There has always been a group of people who participated in this life, usually those of more wealth or in closed communities. Now it is so popular  like tattoos, those who are not in one are in the minority.

So lets look at those who are “bullied” into it for a second. Your partner is out there engaging in situations with other people, eventually you find out and confront them. THis is new information to you so you’re shocked, emotionally spent, and looking to figure out how to move and they take that moment to tell you either accept it because they are not stopping. Right then  and there you have lost a level of security in your relationship, your own pride that you were doing everything right, and now he possibility of losing whats left so of course you are going to accept it. You spend months mourning what you thought was the relationships you were in, and your partner is living it up. They agree you could do the same thing they are doing but you have been out the game for how ever many years, you don;t have a backup book or anything so you are starting from scratch and don;t even know how to move in that arena. Somewhere deep down you are hoping if you make this choice you may get them back like they were and this is about making them happy and as a dutiful partner thats where your mind is. This is where it is most common in this climate we are in, as a couple a partnership this is a conversation that happens before anyone does anything. The decisions affects the entire family and should be treated as such not left to one to decide.

We life in a selfish get with it, I don’t like consequences place and it sucks.

 

I love women and I feel they should have equal rights for sure, at the same time I think this mess about men and woman being the same needs to be dropped. A friend of mine Chi Chi said it best “women are meant to be help mates.” Now  some of you silly people will argue it sounds like servitude, blah blah blah. I don’t believe that’s what I means, i believes i means that as a man is here to balance a woman, so should she balance him. I thin where people get lost is that they can’t balance both sides of the coin being independent and being a part of a team. With that said women don’t want equality in everything but consequences and punishment. To get a woman charged on certain crimes, she literally has to be caught in the act, with a video tape, blood, a signed confession, and a history and still she could go on the stand a cry and say she was beaten or batter with no evidence to support that and get less time then a man  who was held captive for 20 years and killed his captor. Our courts and police don;t believe a man can be abused or raped, courts don;t believe a man can be beaten or be a victim of any kind by a woman. Men have been convicted and in jail for rape on little to no evidence, think it never happens? You got 20 mins?

 

She is being accused of they convicted him on zero evidence AGAINST HIM. she is gonna get maybe a year he was on the hook for 20 and served 4 years. A lot of women think this is okay, I don’t believe its okay, not only for him but the thousands of women who have a hard time being believed for their real rapes.Her lawyer ask for mercy and understanding. WHY? dudes name been dragged through the mud and will forever be linked with rape, her friends sat in court knowing some of the evidence was a lie and still was okay with it. She gets n the sand, tells her story, cries acts like she didn’t know what to do and she gets less time. Let me tell you something a court case doesn’t take a day, just to get to trail it may take a year, gathering evidence, interviews etc. there is time to change your mind and story. A man can’t cry on the stand and get sympathy. In the end, i think we are different and we needs to spend a lot more time appreciating, celebrating our differences and staying in our lanes as needed.

I have been watching a few shows over the past weekend and having a conversation with my cousin. I had been taking a moment to watch the show called “Divorced”. To me its another show glorying woman cheating. Their reasons seem to range of course but many shows show how women are making the option to cheat ok and how fun it is. I wonder where is the moment she regrets, stops and pauses before she engages? Yes I understand it is a tv show, but its hardly the first one. Men are shown to be careless, conquers and heartless. These woman who make these choices are characterized as prisoners who are breaking free and taking something for themselves. Does it happen like that? Sure but what abut the woman who has everything she claims she wants in life and this man that is sleeping next to her has worked to death with her to ensure she has it, now you’re bored and feel life is boring so its exciting to cheat… Makes no sense. What ever happened to sitting down with a person, trying to figure out how and where to go? These same women will sleep with him during the day putting their job in jeopardy, safety, etc and them come home and sleep with their husband… IS that not savagery? Probably not because we want to champion everything and no one wants to face a consequence for their actions. Men are dragging to their graves for the actions women are championed for ding. Seems not so right to me, but then again Maybe I am complaining or pointing out something unfair for the thousands of years women have been cheated and treated unfairly. So its turn about is fair play right?

I would like to preface this by saying that I love women and everything that comes with women being women. With that being said I have questions, these questions have plagued me a bit over the last year and a half or so and I feel this is my platform to address them. I got into a small debate with my cousin about domestic violence last week. I feel it is wrong to put your hands on a woman, I also find it wrong for a woman to put her hands on a man. His argument was a valid one, basically at the end of the day when a woman puts her hands on a man if she is striking him her blows won’t land with the force his will and in the end not impact his way of life-like his would her, and to that I agree. My side was this, women go into their physical assault knowing the guy is bigger and stronger, she knows if he hits back its going to hurt. Her position is that is he isn’t willing to risk the consequences of putting his hands on her because these consequences are severe in nature. What you must know is that a mans name being associated with abuse or rape basically ends it for him, true or not. My thing is shouldn’t she face some penalty? Now when I address this point in social media they say I am victim blaming. My argument is, if she starts it,, hits him and he defends himself aren’t they both victims? I tie of media acting as if every case of domestic violence is a woman sitting by a fire and a man comes in and goes upside her head for no reason, Does that happen YES.  In the Ray Rice incident the prosecutor declined to file charges against her probably because of how horrid the video was, I agree. What about the cases that are less clean cut and more murky?  Like I feel Solange should have gotten an assault charge for the Jayz elevator incident.

Before I introduce this next point let me add some context to it.  Ray Rice is a young African-American man with only a single known incident of anything law breaking in his time in the NFL or before.

Because of Ray Rice the NFL enacted a mandatory 6 game suspension for 1st offenders of domestic violence, they hired women group advocates as well to help in an advisory role.

Recently Josh Brown of the New York Giants a close to 40yr old white kicker, had incidents of domestic violence brought public. Mind you with these incidents knowledge of the team they had no problem giving him another contract knowing he was facing suspension.

He was banned 1 game for violating the NFL personal conduct policy.

After the incident came to light the NFL which a multi billion dollar corp claimed they couldn’t get any information on the previous claims. These claims were in his divorce documents which are public knowledge AND a the previous Pro Bowl the NFL security had to move his family because of him, yet they claim to know nothing, in addition before the season started he went to ownership of the New York Giants and alerted them to the fact his abused his wife on multiple occasions. NO one bats in eye for an aging kicker. This past week the diary, emails, etc where he claims to have done it multiple times came to light and again no one bats an eyes and they were fully willing to let him play in the game in London.

Check out the original article here.

Now the New York Giants claimed he showed a level of contrition and they were concerned about how his family was going to eat as hey depending on his salary. No one gave a dam about Ray Rice’s toddler daughter and family at the time and still don’t, no one has offered to bring him in for a try out. Mind you Ray Rice hid nothing was very public, went to appropriate counseling, and even a step further to a support group, talks to youth about the pitfalls, and advocates for domestic violence causes. He even decided that if he was picked up he would donate his salary to domestic violence charities. He is still young enough to make a difference and he can;t get a single call. His family that now has a second child needs to eat as well. There is a level of fairness that needs to happen here. They slander that man all over the place for half a year and made him toxic and didn’t consider his family and he cooperated fully. There is a problem and it needs to be rooted in fairness.

Be Black

Posted: July 10, 2016 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Its hard to be human when human not respected
hunger and fear is projected.
my dear, dearly departed
this americas most been started.
I wish we would end it
upend it
split it
But still it is, steel as a rod
our resolve
Always the high road
pulled over on the curb
we spend hours trying to learn
how to make the tide turn
Before in our back the bullets burn
like salted tears over fresh flesh wounds
We rose to quick to die so soon
400 years is not that long ago
But maybe we still stuck in our 4 score
Where being property made us worth so much more
not sure, hands up, feet flat on the floor, chin up chest out
Be proud of your power, because in your power i have no doubt.

First off two thing, Rest in peace to this man and peace to his family. Second thing I am going to point something out and it may offend the people who are “black & white” type who don’t believe in greys.

Alton Sterling was murdered by the Baton Rouge police department on July 5,2016. There are multiple videos al over the net that I just don;t want to show you guys but I just need you to know some of the facts.

  • Police were called by an anonymous person saying “a man was at the store selling cds and he had a gun”
  • 2 Police officers arrive and proceed to attempt to arrest said man, even tasering him
  • Police officers wrestle him to the ground one on his back and one on the head area
  • Police find said gun and he is fired upon with shots into his chest and back.

Those are the facts about the case pretty much. Now CNN & Fox probably won’t post a picture of him because they don;t have a jail booking photo s they love to do to all the black people who have been murdered by the cops.

Now to offer you some contrast I will share this video with you as it relates to how far the police are williing to go to not kill someone of a different race.

Just to offer a bit of perspective.

Here comes the grey area

What CNN  & Fox News will tell you is that in 2000 he was locked up for a crime 14:80 – Carnal knowledge of a juvenile 

That was his charge via the Baton rouge police department website you can heck that here and if you wan to see the break down of what that law really is you can click here. He was in prison for 4 years and no probation after the fact.  Now to give you  quick thought and idea of what this law really is it deals with people who maybe 18 or above having consensual sex with someone between the ages of 13-17 an when the age is 4 years or greater.

Why does this matter you may ask. to add more detail he was 21yrs old when he was sentenced. The crime could have taken place the year before when he was 20yrs old. Lets say he had sex with a girl who he thought was 18 or 20 like himself and she turned out to be 16. This would make sense for the small amount of time he got seeing he could have gotten 10 years easy. Now i wrote posts about this before. where all sexual related crimes are not equal. Sometimes you can be caught up and not even know its a juvenile because she/he is in a place that only adults are allowed. IF someone is in a 21 & older club you would assume they are 21 and older. Some people are so black & white on the subject they wouldn’t consider this and they would crucify a man for not getting a background check in  club. I am not saying its the womans fault or anything I am just saying this happens. In  cases like this the parents find out and are mortified so they want to bring charges, men cannot fight these charges really because there is nothing  I know of on the books to help them fight it. They take a plea for a lesser charge and go on with life. With the advancement of hormones in meat and what kids eat trust me you could be on a train going to wor and mistake a high school kid for a grown woman and if she tells you 25yrs old as her age……….

Side tracking sorry

So you may be wondering why all that I typed above matters? It doesn’t it was 12 yrs ago and he hasn’t been arrested since. Just like any other issue in the public eye involving black people they bring in the criminal record so I figured I would lay it out for you.

The real issue is this, there isn’t a reason on God’s green earth a man who was on the ground, subdued by police should have been killed, if he had a gun on him or not. Even if before he was advancing towards police officers at this point they cuff him even with leg shackles and take him in. This man is dead over CDs that even the store owner wasn’t complaining about. he called this man a friend. you can; tell me this is right. after seeing the double standards in the video above….

I wonder why

Posted: July 3, 2016 in Relationship

This is something I have been wondering and have had on my mind. I love woman and always wan them to be respected but in this short video he touches on some of the the stuff that goes on in our society. What you find out is that men esp black men can’t have anything going on mentally, can’t have an off day, can’t disagree without dealing with the angry society doing whatever they can to take them down notches. I see this in the ray rice situation where the district attorney declined to file charges, where men are dying at a high rate because there are no resources available to assist them when they are in tough situation or abuse or any situation like woman tend to be in.