I kinda wish

Posted: March 16, 2019 in Communication, Emotional health, Love

I kind of wish people would talk about how they feel more often. In this society everyone is sensitive, yet in a joking mood, and yet they keep their close guarded secrets at their vest. So I guess I wish people were willing to be more open and realistic with the thing that are bothering them. You have no idea if you are the only one or your strength could inspire some one else.

You have no idea how many people are suffering in silence for fear no one is listening, for fear no one cares. Reach out to your people and tell them your mental is not all the way there if it is not. Share the love and validation that they might be seeking. You never know how important you are until you reach out. Talk to someone and tell them you love them and why, unprompted and without expectation.

I don’t have a problem with what i understand the foundation of the metoo movement to be; my understanding of the foundation is that women were being mistreated by men using sex as a chip to advance women and their career. The example is jane works as an associate accountant and feels she is in line for the promotion. She goes to the manager or boss and stakes her claim, The manager replies the only way he doing it is if she sleeps with him. Thats what I understand metoo to mean at its foundation and that is WRONG!!!

The problem I had was then other people who were abused or complicit with abuse took the flag and now  any and everything was metoo. Then the arrogance of these people with the loudest voice to say “nah this is only women, stop getting into our conversation”.  How do you monopolize the abuse landscape like it only happens to you?

So these same men who were victims, when and started a #himtoo and was told to go sit in the corner and shut up and stop trying to take the shine away.  Mind you these are the same people who say believe all victims, ALWAYS. These are the same people who say you can’t ask questions and you can’t look to understand on a deeper level, you have to just give sympathy and splash hate on everyone.

Lets be clear everyone who has been abused deserved sympathy and understanding. inside of that there are many women who only see abuse as something that can happen to women only. We have never seen a woman get REAL and SIGNIFICANT time. The only way she get time is if she kills the man historically. Do the research.

There are no resources legit available for men who are being abused. In most cases they are forced to vacate their home and often the emotional abuse, especially if there are kids is never touched on. Any man who has been in an argument with a women has heard the “If you leave I will hurt myself….” or the woman who was “emotional” and put her hands on a man because she was emotional. Abuse or assault is not okay because you are emotional…KEEP YOUR DAM HANDS TO YOURSELF.

It is not okay because you are a woman and he is a man. Use your words, you are responsible for yourself, your mouth, and your hands. As many times as women have been up in my face and finger pointed against me head and yelling on screaming in my ear, spitting ion my face, throwing thing in my direction. I had never wanted to put my hands on her, I wanted to get out of there because I hate being yelled at, my mom never yelled at me. Again go take a walk and release that energy. The response we get is “you know how I am” I am sorry but you are responsible for yourself and “thats how I am” is not an acceptable response when there are so many resources for woman to get help and to work through their emotions and learn how to deal with their emotional work. Deal with your yourself and your emotional trauma like men are expected to…. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO ABUSE ANYONE. Go do the work everyone please.

A man to be a man

Posted: March 12, 2019 in Friends, Life

I was talking to a bunch of my female friends the other day and they were telling me about how men could be better men. I had to scratch my head because 2 of them were two times divorced and what I know of those situations it was the women who failed the man not the other way around. See these friends were the “my way or the highway” type of ladies, who often never thought it through. They would get their way which would lead often down a rabbit hole of circumstances she couldn’t predict but refuse to deal with either. These are the type of women who are more cornered with if he is cheating than if he is happy. The sad thing is these are the same of women who thing they know how the make men, men. These are the same who come from single parent homes and have dated wrong their whole adult life. I like to have conversations because I want to understand and I was always told if I didn’t understand ask, and be willing to listen to the answer and keep asking til i understand.

So my question was simple “how do you know what it takes to raise a man to be a man?” What kind of man would you be raising?

The answer to this simple question ranged but ultimately lead to one conclusion, they wanted a yes do boy with a big dick, ripped muscles who made money and was always available at a whim, 6 feet tall, light skin, pretty eyes and hair, and in the end he was a clean cut thug who required NO MAINTENANCE from them.

That’s right see the failure of their marriages was they basically ignored their husbands and mostly spoke to him for their own gain or to complain about him. No marriage or relationship can thrive and grow in this environment. Men matter and most of the time when they cheat, it is with someone who could be bothered enough to sit down and have a conversation with them. These ladies failed because in their female heavy upbringing communication was yelling at one another and talking over one another loud enough until the other person stopped talking. They ruled by fear and physical abuse and noone took accountability for themselves and their mistakes. This type of movement can;t work in a marriage where people are closer to equal footing, both people are supposed to matter, and the well being and survival is based on the ability to work together.

In the end you find out they are can’t raise a man to be a man better than a man can. I am not saying men are perfect by no means at that, but they know of the mistakes they have made and how men are supposed to conduct themselves around women, around other men, when confronted with ill intent, etc Usually a man is not looking to raise a do boy just a better version of himself , if he is worth the salt. My dad didn’t want to raise anyone, he wanted to and in most cases was until I was 30 still an adolescent.  He worked to cover his habits, lacked ambition, spent no time with the kids, didn’t seek to advance in work, and his only hobbies were movies and music, outside of the habits of course. He had very little input in my values, my mindset, my outlook on the world, then again that is a lie.  I learn a bit different from most, I learn from other people mistakes, i watched him get treated a certain way, talked down to, people take advantage of him, and i remember saying i never anted to  be that. My dad was a high school dropout, i never wanted to be that.  So maybe I was wrong, my mom raised a man. funny thing is she never put expectations on my, she just told me what it meant to be a decent human being. I carried that as I watched her and learned how to do that.

I guess in the end ladies if you want to raise men to be men, start by teaching them to be decent humans and the rest will take care of its self.

I think cancel culture is a waste of time. I understand the concept, not supporting people and businesses that are deemed problematic. There was a time when we saw problems and we attempted to solve the problems, we addressed the problems, and we attempted to make changes. Yes we had boycotts of buses in the 60’s but there was room for dialog and discussion and guess what happened……..RESOLUTION.  Our lack of seeking resolution on matters has allowed the media and the business markets to use outrage marketing to insight cancel culture. Thats right they figured something out, if people are canceling something they are spending a lot of time talking about it, if they are talking about it then they are basically advertising your name and products because your site and social media are being hit. Like they used to say all publicity is good publicity because they could just as easily not talk about you. We as a society don’t see it, when think we are doing something when we sit on our social media and “cancel” something or someone.

Consider this, to cancel a music artist for example and lay out all the terms and information. People are curious and have access so they will go to their social media, they will do to their download service providers and they will listen to the songs that are controversial and  in turn a person is paid for those listens, you are still supporting them. What if, I know this might sound crazy…We allowed these people to go through the criminal justice system and either through them away or welcomed them back in with the proper rehabilitation.

Another thing with that, we don;t believe people can be rehabilitated, but we fear going the final step. The death penalty are for the people who we believe can’t be redeemed. So in the example of Ray Rice they believe he is so nonredeemable that he shouldn’t play football anymore and should be removed from society ok cool, then why don’t you kill him off? you know why that doesn’t happen because no one wants to be responsible for the final act. They want to take you away from society, shun you, remove you from your family but not death because thats too far….. This cancel culture is a lie or full of hypocrisy

Let me explain. Skullcandy is a great company, A company I have been waving the flag for, for well over 10 years. I have always enjoyed their products. hey have a new software that tracks fraud warranty returns and I think I have become a victim of it.

See the video here

Its business i would assume

rust me I am just assuming but currently I have over 10 products from the company and they have a warranty  that last two years. IF I have an incident I should be able to send them in and even once approved I should get my product. An executive has declined my warranty with no explanation. I can only assume it is because I have so many products and I sent them in via their warranty process. The lack of explanation is a bummer and not what I signed up for  in my relationship with this company.

Close minds

Posted: November 7, 2018 in Uncategorized

I was having a conversation with a few gents today and I realized there are still a lot of closed minds around in the world. I mean I would not sit here and say I am of the wide open mind variety but I assume I am pretty open-minded. So one of the gents and I have been having rolling conversations about cheating in a marriage. I am of the mind that its deception and one must be informed soonest and he is of the mindset catch me if you can and it is a weight that the guilty party must bear alone.

With that in mind we have a conversation about a man who transitioned to a woman and didn’t inform their partner, he continued to refer to the person as a man who I attempted to corrected until it became wasteful and said the deception was different. We battled I stand on the side it I still deception but one is life or death and a person who transitions shouldn’t be forced to walk with a scarlet letter on their chest because of that change. I would assume anyone who is decent and had such an operation would share the information with someone before becoming intimate or getting to deep in the emotions, meting families and things of that nature. He cited other people who knew reaction and to me it was a flawed logic and still it deception but his person is facing life or death as there are people who kill over finding out someone transitioned. I understand the logic that you are attempting to fall in love with the person and not their organs and from that premise I believe anyone should be able to fall in love with anyone. It was a very interesting conversation just to see how closed minds still are, mind you I am not saying anyone should be forced to be attracted to anyone but hat someone else does to themselves shouldn’t cause so much outrage.

I had given this some thought, I  think it is horrible what happened to those women in Hollywood and all over the place that have been assaulted. They deserve to have some measure of justice for the crimes that have been committed against them.

But

I take issues with convicting people before hey are proven guilty. I take issues with people’s entire life being destroyed off an accusation. I find i perfectly reasonable that here could be some false stories out there with the idea to make some of these men look bad. he fact we are asking questions, something simple like date and time to prove these people where in the same city when the even was purported to take place, it an assault on the criminal justice system. They want justice but don’t want to be asked any questions that would help an investigator? Its weird to me.

I want justice and then I want a pathway to recovery. I want to know how we fix this, how do we make the process smoother, how do we go through he proper channels of justice and redemption. So many people are being forced out of their jobs because of this, what about their family and their ability to support them? The family of the accusers are innocent victims as well. The people who took money to be silent are they not just as guilty as the one being accused? they had enough evidence or of a story this person was scared enough to pay then yet they took the payoff and remained silent.

I have been told that if more women were put in power we wouldn’t have this issue, I would disagree. Teaching is a profession that is usually under paid but puts women in an authority and they have abused that authority and in so many cases sexually abused boys.  Hell I would assume there are so many men who have been inappropriately touched or harassed in hollywood who are ashamed . We don’t believe as a society this can happen to men. When a few men came out in this scandal, women responded he lied he liked it. As a man you can stop this….  Where is the compassion? where is the understanding? In my city alone I saw at least 10 women on the sex offenders list, most of their crimes were against people half their age, could you imagine the burden of prof unless they admitted to the crime. I guess I am looking for solutions, fairness, understanding and a real conversation, i am so sympathetic, but we need at minimum a checks and balance system and at maximum a way forward.