I Love You Too – Guest Blog

Posted: November 6, 2011 in Guest Blog, Guest Bloggers

The most significant secret for having a successful relationship with another person, is to first have a successful relationship with yourself. The adage “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself” is more than just a cliché therapists and your best friend or mother throw around without a second thought. It’s actually solid truth, proven over and over again by men and women who are fortunate to find incredible partners, and then end up losing them. Naturally, there is always an exception to the rule, there is always someone unfamiliar with self love who manages to maintain a romantic relationship. I will guarantee though, that even within those exceptions, the love there is not completely healthy, and never will be.

Why is this? Because there is more to a relationship than just giving your love. The general idea is that you get it back as well. Now, this may sound like it should be the easy part, having buckets of love handed to you and reveling in it. But for someone who already has problems with who they are, their life experiences, insecurities and self doubt, so and so forth, the receiving end of love, no matter how incredible it may be in emotion and sincerity, can be the most difficult aspect of any relationship, and it turn, they tend to mistreat or mistrust it. It’s not because they want to, rather, it’s because that grand emotion does not feel deserved or even real.

See, accepting the love of someone else would mean understanding why their partner feels the way they do about them, and therefore agreeing that they are this wonderful person who is indeed lovable. This comes to mean having to give up their own ways of seeing themselves in a negative or hurtful fashion, and letting go of old habits of self destructiveness or sabotage, amongst many things. Basically, it goes something like this; “I don’t love myself because of A, B, C, D. How can someone else love me then? What’s wrong with them? Don’t they see A, B, C, D? Why not? It doesn’t make sense!” Which is followed by a consistently inaccurate analysis of their partner’s love. The result of course, is the eventual deterioration of the relationship, and the only acceptance there becomes “See, I was right, nobody should love me, I can’t be loved”. So, just like life, that cycle carries on, with no chance of change.

By not loving yourself for who you are, all the pretty and ugly inside and out, you are hindering the necessary growth and true potential of your own existence. You are failing to see yourself exactly as you are: a perfectly flawed human being, a unique creation indeed. You judge, berate, and attack yourself, what will stop you from doing it just as easily to your partner? And if that isn’t your MO, what will stop you from turning the genuine love that someone else possesses for you into something it isn’t, making sure it matches how you feel about yourself, that same chain of anti-love? Honestly, nothing. But that’s only if you choose to remain in a place of depriving yourself.

If you do make that difficult, yet crucial step towards finding and holding on to the wonder in you, you learn to appreciate and treat yourself with kindness, you learn to become whole, all by yourself. By being aware of your worth, you demand more out of life: a better career, better friends, more vacations, more of whatever true happiness means to you personally. How you live your life, and the way you treat yourself, becomes a reflection of how you want and need to be treated by your partner, that man or woman who knows and loves you, because you know and love you too.

Every single individual has the power to destroy or nurture their own person. Don’t make the mistake of giving someone else the responsibility of making or breaking you. The love of your partner can only encourage, supplement and enhance, that’s all that can be expected. Only your love for self can “fix” or change your reality. Love is a beautiful word and powerful concept, that starts and ends with you. If you are going to give anyone in this world your love, make sure you’re at the top of that list.

Credits to my guest blogger: Twitter Name @BeatnikHippie you can check her out @ HER BLOG

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