Archive for the ‘cheater’ Category

Open Marriage

Posted: September 12, 2017 in cheater, Communication, Married, Uncategorized

This is going to be one of those quick and dirty posts. I haven’t thought it al the way out but i wanted to share. I have reaized many people are either in open marriages by force or in them unknowingly. In this day and age it seems like everyone is falling behind one narrative or another the popular one is “one person can’t be everything to another.” Lets examine that for a second because there is merit there at the same time if your husband/wife can’t be your best friend does that mean your best friend needs to be your lover as well? Since when does having more people in your sphere of friends translate to alternate and additional relationships? There has always been a group of people who participated in this life, usually those of more wealth or in closed communities. Now it is so popular  like tattoos, those who are not in one are in the minority.

So lets look at those who are “bullied” into it for a second. Your partner is out there engaging in situations with other people, eventually you find out and confront them. THis is new information to you so you’re shocked, emotionally spent, and looking to figure out how to move and they take that moment to tell you either accept it because they are not stopping. Right then  and there you have lost a level of security in your relationship, your own pride that you were doing everything right, and now he possibility of losing whats left so of course you are going to accept it. You spend months mourning what you thought was the relationships you were in, and your partner is living it up. They agree you could do the same thing they are doing but you have been out the game for how ever many years, you don;t have a backup book or anything so you are starting from scratch and don;t even know how to move in that arena. Somewhere deep down you are hoping if you make this choice you may get them back like they were and this is about making them happy and as a dutiful partner thats where your mind is. This is where it is most common in this climate we are in, as a couple a partnership this is a conversation that happens before anyone does anything. The decisions affects the entire family and should be treated as such not left to one to decide.

We life in a selfish get with it, I don’t like consequences place and it sucks.

 

I have been watching a few shows over the past weekend and having a conversation with my cousin. I had been taking a moment to watch the show called “Divorced”. To me its another show glorying woman cheating. Their reasons seem to range of course but many shows show how women are making the option to cheat ok and how fun it is. I wonder where is the moment she regrets, stops and pauses before she engages? Yes I understand it is a tv show, but its hardly the first one. Men are shown to be careless, conquers and heartless. These woman who make these choices are characterized as prisoners who are breaking free and taking something for themselves. Does it happen like that? Sure but what abut the woman who has everything she claims she wants in life and this man that is sleeping next to her has worked to death with her to ensure she has it, now you’re bored and feel life is boring so its exciting to cheat… Makes no sense. What ever happened to sitting down with a person, trying to figure out how and where to go? These same women will sleep with him during the day putting their job in jeopardy, safety, etc and them come home and sleep with their husband… IS that not savagery? Probably not because we want to champion everything and no one wants to face a consequence for their actions. Men are dragging to their graves for the actions women are championed for ding. Seems not so right to me, but then again Maybe I am complaining or pointing out something unfair for the thousands of years women have been cheated and treated unfairly. So its turn about is fair play right?

So you may be wondering what the hell a Hall Pass is exactly. A Hall Pass is when a woman and in some cases a man allows  their significant other a period of time in which they can go have sex with or engage in adult activities with another without consequence and outside your relationship. That’s the rough definition anyway. recently a lot of noise has been made about the celebrity Toya Wright and her decision to give her husband a hall pass.

Historically the reason a hall pass existed was because there is a belief a man works hard, supports a family, and may need to be rewarded. Al-throughout history men have openly cheated and woman have quietly cheated. Where a lot of people who are the “victim” of a cheater get angry is the lack of knowledge and the betrayal in the communication of the other party. If you go back as far as King Henry VIII he routinely started up with the next soon to be wife before leaving the current wife. Some woman I have talked to who have given their man a hall pass has said that they felt they were having too much sex, they felt their partner was bored with the sex, they wanted to add spice to the relationship, and lastly teaching him the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

A hall pass can happen if someone is being cheated on and decided that they would rather grant the request as opposed to have it happen behind their back most f them will tell you this decision is made with love i.e. if i let them have this I will have a better partner because it won’t be a problem or a focus. I personally worry knowing what i know about sex and how it can captivate a person or they can fall prey to the physical and end up turning a one time sanctioned opportunity into 20 times unsanctioned and then it becomes a problem. There was one lady I talked to who told me she sanctioned one because she was cheating on her husband and wanted to “even the scale or clear her guilt.”

It is my belief that you have to either have a weak relationship or a diamond titanium ironclad relationship to do this because you are running a risk of not being with this person as much or anymore, losing time because they have become attached after one encounter, and then the one encounter is not enough. I feel with a hall pass it can leave the other party to feel like they are not enough and in my opinion if I am not enough then leave me altogether. I don;t want to share, i shouldn’t have to, i shouldn’t have to do all the work in maintaining my partner and her life  on all levels and another person can show up and touch her soul,, insides, and everything  like that. Nah thats not for me.

Hello readers I want to share something with you. A letter I decided to turn into a video.  A subscribers decided to share this with me after they had a break up and thought it would be something I would find interesting. The post that inspired this share is here so please check it out. This chap is really brokenhearted and decided to share that emotion in the best way he knew how. I hope you guys enjoy and take it as an inspiration that if you’re done with your partner or want to move on, then just stand tall and let them know.

Fellas Treating a woman right is a must. IF you don’t want to be with her anymore than just pull her to the side sit her down and tell her as much. Cheating is sucky and it makes all parties feel horrible. Also a woman scorned is liable to do anything. Don’t believe me? Check out the images below……ROFLMAO

SxGIhRx-1

R kelly told you best

“Cuz when a woman’s fed up
(No matter how you beg, no)
It ain’t nothing you can do about it
(Nothing you can do about it)
It’s like running out of love
(No matter what you say, no)
And then it’s too late to talk about it
(Too late to talk about it)”

Later

A woman will cheat on her man all day, Maybe she’ll hide it maybe not. She may look at her man and want him to get jealous of the other guy. The minute he does “what you don’t trust me?” She may even look at her own man as undesirable, and if she doesn’t desire him then who else would?

At the same time she is treating him like she doesn’t want him and he’s the ugliest thing in the world. The minute another woman shows a bit of interest in a compliment, a harmless flirt or even right out wants to get at her man she is out in the open clawing at her eyes.

So basically she can do whatever and its “ok” but let him do something and its martial law?

Just interesting!!!!

I’ve watched this happen a few times int he street or with people i casually know. Its funny because when asked “Is this our new norm and what we are doing?” the woman will reply no and feel bad for a few secs and thats it, she”ll go back to doing whats he wants to do. Because really its about her and her wants.

I know for myself, I ask because I feel if you are confident enough to do it, cop to it, lets call it our new normal and now i know whats going on and i can adjust myself accordingly.  I wonder if the adjustment is whats so hard for the woman. Maybe!!

A quick message to those who lie and cheat. I hope it hits a sensitive spot.