Archive for the ‘Real Ish’ Category

I love women and I feel they should have equal rights for sure, at the same time I think this mess about men and woman being the same needs to be dropped. A friend of mine Chi Chi said it best “women are meant to be help mates.” Now  some of you silly people will argue it sounds like servitude, blah blah blah. I don’t believe that’s what I means, i believes i means that as a man is here to balance a woman, so should she balance him. I thin where people get lost is that they can’t balance both sides of the coin being independent and being a part of a team. With that said women don’t want equality in everything but consequences and punishment. To get a woman charged on certain crimes, she literally has to be caught in the act, with a video tape, blood, a signed confession, and a history and still she could go on the stand a cry and say she was beaten or batter with no evidence to support that and get less time then a man  who was held captive for 20 years and killed his captor. Our courts and police don;t believe a man can be abused or raped, courts don;t believe a man can be beaten or be a victim of any kind by a woman. Men have been convicted and in jail for rape on little to no evidence, think it never happens? You got 20 mins?

 

She is being accused of they convicted him on zero evidence AGAINST HIM. she is gonna get maybe a year he was on the hook for 20 and served 4 years. A lot of women think this is okay, I don’t believe its okay, not only for him but the thousands of women who have a hard time being believed for their real rapes.Her lawyer ask for mercy and understanding. WHY? dudes name been dragged through the mud and will forever be linked with rape, her friends sat in court knowing some of the evidence was a lie and still was okay with it. She gets n the sand, tells her story, cries acts like she didn’t know what to do and she gets less time. Let me tell you something a court case doesn’t take a day, just to get to trail it may take a year, gathering evidence, interviews etc. there is time to change your mind and story. A man can’t cry on the stand and get sympathy. In the end, i think we are different and we needs to spend a lot more time appreciating, celebrating our differences and staying in our lanes as needed.

Open

Posted: April 25, 2015 in Real Ish, Relationship
Tags: , , , , , , ,

 

I am one of those people who curious about things and wonder and ask questions. The topic of open relationships popped up with a few friends the other day and they explained all the goods of the matter and how it can help which is all fine and dandy, the things is i proposed a different school of thought from all I had read. One of the first things I noticed was the person who usually introduced the idea of an open relationship in a relationship is the person who has been still out there like they are single, getting numbers flirting having conversations etc, so they have a team already in place. The other person has usually destroyed the black book, let go of opposite sex friends out of respect or the new relationship. Take a moment and look at that information one person now has a backlog of potentials and the other person is blind sided and has nothing on deck. The partner who has nothing on deck usually doesn’t want to do and will only participate in an open relationship for the other partners happiness. There was one story where a married couple tried it for a year with the woman introducing it and in the first few nights she had already racked up a few bodies at the end of the year they were divorced, he later reveals he spent most of the year in their bed crying alone nightly because guess what there is no real way to maintain a real home life and an open one and still want to have sex with your partner and give them the love and compassion because with new people there is new maintenance, split energy, split time and more. In my opinion if you have time and energy to go be open and out there why not take the same time and energy and fix your relationship so you are not looking outside of it.
The idea had been brought to me that one person can’t be all things to another one person and i agree but that’s why we have friends who we spend time with, talk to, hang out with, etc not screw, not go out and hang out, sleep with, and act like its your partner especially when you have a partner at home. There are some rare instances where it seems to have worked but what happened in those instances is that the outside person came in and they all were a couple three people in one situation and it was an experience they had together. The things I think people forget is that at the end of the day you end up being someone elses second option when you have someone at home who you are their first and only option.
Going back to the other point what do you think will happen when your partner is sitting at home with no dates, a dry phone and you are never there, or if you’re sitting there sending flirty texts laughing back and forth during your time with them, or you’re sending nudes, or just doing things with this new person you never done with them? Do you really believe your marriage will last? So while the excitement and the fun is there your home life can end up being in shambles and at the end of the day is it worth it?

 

As I end this, I have to believe that maybe I am in the minority to believe if anything else it is always easier for a woman to “attract” a partner willing to co-exist knowing their situation is open. Men by nature as glad they don;t have to deal with the extra emotional situation from a female he can just do the fun stuff and go home to maybe his own situation ir the next girl he has  the same situation. On the flip side a man is less able to get a woman to openly accept being his side piece unless she is already in the scene or curious and how many of them are openly going to admit it? In my reading and conversation more than 8 of 10 times when a woman decided she wanted to be open the dude was left dateless and alone. The truth of the matter is at the end of the day a woman doesn’t want to be another woman 2nd and that’s truth. To give better illustration woman  are the receiver and when they receive a man they get emotional and are going to want more time, more energy, more romance, and more of the love/relationship aspect and a man who has wife at home to deal with can’t give it all to her so  it fails. IF he is giving her all the attention and neglecting his wife then again whats the point of being open just divorce, love each other as friends, and move on.

 

 

Before I start with this post, I sat with a group on 10 woman over the past 3 weekends. We had a discussion group because hey I am a man and I can admit I don’t know all and don’t really want to know all. The most prevalent question I had about domestic violence and how the world looked at it. As expected some women had their personal experience with it and were more emotional than anything which I respect more than you know. Then I asked them for some rules for men to survive and it seemed like they all could agree on the few I am going to share with you. Before that I feel I must warn you, IF THIS IS A SENSITIVE SUBJECT OR YOU FEEL THAT YOU WILL BE MISREPRESENTED OR DISRESPECTED PLEASE TURN AROUND NOW Again these are just some of the things from the list that is not my list or show my beliefs on the matter.

 

1.) Society recognizes you as a “big, strong, man”

2.) No matter what happens its your fault

3.) No matter if she locks you in a room and stands in front the door you are supposed to walk away

4.) If she is threatening you with physical harm with a weapon you are NEVER supposed to hit her

5.) If you walk away and she chases you down and hits you with a weapon remember its your fault for walking away and provoking her to chase you down.

6.) If she comes home from a bad day and starts to verbally, emotionally, and physically abuse you its your fault because you didn’t get her out of a situation that would cause that.

7.) The most important thing to remember there is no way this is not your fault.

8.) Her beating on you is not a crime, its her letting off frustration that you probably caused.

9.) if you report it to the police they will probably take you away from the home to a friend’s house for the night and laugh at you for getting beat on by a woman and not controlling your house.

10.) Even if someone witnesses the action no one will believe she is beating on you for no reason, so way you caused this to happen.

11.) It doesn’t matter that Ray Rice wife was charging at him and that she hit her head on the elevator bar in everyone’s eyes he knocked her out

12.) As a big strong man her emotional, and mental abuse should not affect you at all, if she threatens to hurt the kids or herself then you should still be man enough to walk away from a situation like that.

13.) Remember you can’t shake, push her, or restrain her under no circumstances that is punishable by law.

14.) Domestic violence only goes one way.

The one thing I have learned about people is that double standards are easy. The other easy thing is twisting details just enough so they don’t look as bad as they really are in the right light. Let me give you an example, when taking a test with True or False answers the key to how they get you is that all the questions are true, then they twist one word to make it false. An example of how this happens is “The sky is always blue except at night, true or false?” Upon first reading this question you would say true but there are some things that make it false always and night. Those two words are important but no the most important word, the word that changes the whole question is except… LOOOOONNNNNNGGG winded explanation right?

OK let me get to my point, Men and Woman operate on double standards all the time. For example woman want a man to “slay a dragon” for them but for men you can’t get her to make a sandwich before she think you turning her into a slave. More woman want to be approached by men, but upon approach they are instantly critical. An example of this was one day I was in downtown Manhattan people watching at the degree I was sitting at I saw a guy pull up in Bentley Coup, he walked around the corner to the starbucks in just sweats and a t-shirt. He came out and spotted a lovely looking woman who was dressed smartly in her bests skirt suit outfit and she didn’t politely turn him down and rebuff his polite advance which would have been well within her right. She yelled a the top of her lungs “GET AWAY FROM ME YOU BUM, EWWW………….” She tried to make him look bad and draw attention to herself while doing it her energy said “How dare you talk to me, You don’t have enough stamps in your passport.” To me thats overkill because she wanted to be approached as she had been strolling up an down the Ave for about 20 mins with a seduction to her hips. The guy smiled politely looked in my direction shook his head and walked back to his car, dropped the top and slowly pulled around the corner. Her eyes made contact with that car and she felt bad.

I tell you this story because you basically have to have a resume of your lie attached to your head to approach a woman but s a man we are “required” to accept a woman “as is” why the double standard??

See most woman don’t want to motivate a guy towards potential, a goal, etc. they want to come in and ride to coattails to their own goals. Let a man do something similar and he is a bum. Let him just want to be told he’s amazing and he can do anything and he is asking for to much. I made a post before about the things people need. I hope woman understand its HUMAN not just them. Now I know reading this you may wonder why I am targeting them, because men have to approach woman and what lion have you seen chase a zebra through an entire jungle?

We live in a society of RACISM AND CLASSICISM.

I bet you any amount of money you guys fall into the line of people  who think we as a world already solved these problems way back in the day. These issues are still going on right now. Now if you have a hard problem believing this let me define what these terms mean:

Racism – a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

Classicism – prejudice or discrimination based on class

I want to tackle racism because it happens on some lower levels. I have watched black woman hate on black men because they are with white woman and for whatever reason its wrong but at the same time they can be with a white man and justify it. They call the white woman all out of their name and everything. Its like what happened to love and being in love?

The next one is just in stores, the overall idea is that any black man or Spanish man with a hoodie or baggy jeans that come into a store is going to steal when they could just be comfortable wearing those clothes and be a fortune 500 CEO. The owner will follow them through a store, talk to them a bunch of times, watch them on the camera and just make them feel uncomfortable. The classic still happens where a man of non Caucasian decent steps into an elevator, walks behind them down the street, steps on to steps and the woman clutches her purse and instantly becomes tight in her demeanor. Now if this was any an every man, it would be different and understandable about safety, that doesn’t happen. When our president was elected there were a lot of “closet” racist who suddenly came out the closet and felt comfortable being racist and open about it in a public forum. These people talk on tv and in news freely the conversations that they sure had at home in their closed party or circle of friends. These people feel comfortable yelling and talking over the president on TV, in congress, and at rally’s. This same behavior they have never exhibited to any other sitting president. There is something interesting though it isn’t just between the races anymore, now its inside the races as well. There are black who hate on other black and put them down because they are darker and treat them lower because of it. The same can be said about many other races that because of a skin tone, facial feature, or something similar they are cast out. It is a shame and deplorable really. I am not here to pass judgement on anyone more like trying to alert you to whats going on in society.

Classicism is still running rampant in most countries around the world. If you are not born into a certain level of wealth no matter if you attained it in your lifetime you are still looked down upon. In places like India if you were a server there and came to America and became a diplomat if you mt someone from home who knew better or you have a certain last name you are still considered a lower class level. Class is very important for Americans as most of the things e do in our society is based on who you know and what you know. For example most jobs you get in the US are based on your connections and if your connections are on the bottom rungs of society then guess what that’s where  you’ll stay. This activity was a bit different in the late 1800’s early 1900’s as we had something called white & black flight. The original flight was white flight and this was when affluent white neighborhoods started to see black reach that level and they moved in just for a better atmosphere for their family and white families took off for other neighborhoods. These same black families that experienced white flight saw other blacks reach their level and they may have been a bit rough around the edges but this bought about black flight where they inturn did what the white people did and flew to better neighborhoods.  In the time now it still exists. We have people who achieve a certain level of success and they feel that now they can look down on people lower than them and treat them as such. Almost like they forgot they were just there and they are a paycheck or three from being in the same position. It even happens in academia, I remember trying to add an additional class to my course load and it was the first semester of a hiphop course and as I go in to speak to the head of the social programs department a black Afrocentric woman sees me a black guy baggy jeans, hoodie, and headphones and she tells me “this class is not about listening to music!” I had to laugh  to myself because little did she know the required class books which there were three different books I had already read for fun and information purpose 3 years earlier, my ipod was full of Frank Sinatra, Miles Davis, and many other classic music very little hiphop and I didn’t need the class for any credit. I usually took a single class every semester that was out of my major that i would enjoy  just for a break.  She had no idea about the class because when she entered it for a sit in later in the semester as it was the first time the class was taken she was surprised by how well the class was taught. Same school another thing happened to me, I had a tendency of carrying books like Nostradamus,  the Art of war, 48 laws of power, and books like that and that messes with people as I would be in an elevator and they take a double take like I’m not supposed to know about these books or something. The reason is people who dress like me look/are lower class and the information in these books are from the upper class and now for people like me. Im sorry but i read everything always have, I’m the kid who took the language arts book in 2nd grade home so I could read all the stories in a week, I’m the kid who rushed out of jr high to get to the big library so I could have more time there and still took a book bag full of books home at night. That is interesting.

This is how our society is and broke down into. We live, learn, love and build strong like champions at least i hope we will. Stay sharp people.