I have been thinking about this for the past couple of weeks and wasn’t sure if I wanted to speak on it. See on social media and in the privacy of some homes there has been a disconnect between men and women as it relates to how to handle certain issues. This is not everyone so the mileage may vary.
On one hand there is a feeling in the black and brown communities that there is poor treatment by the police on our collective brothers and sisters which is true. So whenever avoidable we tend to not want to involve the police in matters that can be resolved without them. At the same time there are some women who know the relationship who will use the threat of police or even call them in to “control” their partner. So consider this situation I was told about, a guy catches his girlfriend cheating in the home they share, in the bed they share. After the guys leaves he simply packs his things, says nothingĀ and is prepared to leave, the girlfriend is trying to talk to him but he is not in a mood to talk, just wants to pack his things, and go. As he is walking out the door, she jumps in front to stop him from leaving and she put her hands on him and refuses to move. He wraps her up in a bear hug to remove her from the door and leaves, she calls the police and allege assault before he even gets to the bottom of the stairs. As they are putting him in the car, she yells “You should have just talked to me”.. This is a poor use of the police force, this is a poor use of time, this is a poor use of communication, and an effort to control him and the situation she created. Should he have stopped and had the conversation she wanted to have? Probably not because he was so much in shock he wasn’t sure what to say, he hasn’t processed all the emotions he feels, is he not allowed to do that? Some would say no…
This goes back to the point in the changes and efforts to make the world a better place for black and brown people we have to realize in our personal relationships words have meaning. We need to use platforms like BLM to push forth better communication efforts between men and women of the community. Instead we have used these new platforms to stir the pot of strife between the sexes, no solution, and no efforts to really upgrade the dynamic. We often see ourselves as victim as opposed to cause or at least contributing factor to the breaking of situations.
We need to learn communication skills, acceptance of responsibility, and better ways to navigate in relationships.