Open

 

I am one of those people who curious about things and wonder and ask questions. The topic of open relationships popped up with a few friends the other day and they explained all the goods of the matter and how it can help which is all fine and dandy, the things is i proposed a different school of thought from all I had read. One of the first things I noticed was the person who usually introduced the idea of an open relationship in a relationship is the person who has been still out there like they are single, getting numbers flirting having conversations etc, so they have a team already in place. The other person has usually destroyed the black book, let go of opposite sex friends out of respect or the new relationship. Take a moment and look at that information one person now has a backlog of potentials and the other person is blind sided and has nothing on deck. The partner who has nothing on deck usually doesn’t want to do and will only participate in an open relationship for the other partners happiness. There was one story where a married couple tried it for a year with the woman introducing it and in the first few nights she had already racked up a few bodies at the end of the year they were divorced, he later reveals he spent most of the year in their bed crying alone nightly because guess what there is no real way to maintain a real home life and an open one and still want to have sex with your partner and give them the love and compassion because with new people there is new maintenance, split energy, split time and more. In my opinion if you have time and energy to go be open and out there why not take the same time and energy and fix your relationship so you are not looking outside of it.
The idea had been brought to me that one person can’t be all things to another one person and i agree but that’s why we have friends who we spend time with, talk to, hang out with, etc not screw, not go out and hang out, sleep with, and act like its your partner especially when you have a partner at home. There are some rare instances where it seems to have worked but what happened in those instances is that the outside person came in and they all were a couple three people in one situation and it was an experience they had together. The things I think people forget is that at the end of the day you end up being someone elses second option when you have someone at home who you are their first and only option.
Going back to the other point what do you think will happen when your partner is sitting at home with no dates, a dry phone and you are never there, or if you’re sitting there sending flirty texts laughing back and forth during your time with them, or you’re sending nudes, or just doing things with this new person you never done with them? Do you really believe your marriage will last? So while the excitement and the fun is there your home life can end up being in shambles and at the end of the day is it worth it?

 

As I end this, I have to believe that maybe I am in the minority to believe if anything else it is always easier for a woman to “attract” a partner willing to co-exist knowing their situation is open. Men by nature as glad they don;t have to deal with the extra emotional situation from a female he can just do the fun stuff and go home to maybe his own situation ir the next girl he has  the same situation. On the flip side a man is less able to get a woman to openly accept being his side piece unless she is already in the scene or curious and how many of them are openly going to admit it? In my reading and conversation more than 8 of 10 times when a woman decided she wanted to be open the dude was left dateless and alone. The truth of the matter is at the end of the day a woman doesn’t want to be another woman 2nd and that’s truth. To give better illustration woman  are the receiver and when they receive a man they get emotional and are going to want more time, more energy, more romance, and more of the love/relationship aspect and a man who has wife at home to deal with can’t give it all to her so  it fails. IF he is giving her all the attention and neglecting his wife then again whats the point of being open just divorce, love each other as friends, and move on.

 

 

Future VS Fun Times

You have to ask yourself what kind of person are you? This love  game is something serious. Men and woman are kind of the same when it comes to what they are looking for and what they expect at least initially. When looking for a future mate we are looking for someone we can deal with, spend time with, build with, have happiness, and success. We live in a society especially in America where everything is immediate and available. We speak a lot of time about the casual thing where we either have many different partners of the option for many partners, I don’t believe to many people really operate like that. This is not to say that people don’t want a small fling or a threesome etc, this is to say to have many partners all the time is not how it seems humans really work.

From some of the research I have done the people who really want the “open” & “casual” type marriage or relationship have been abused and really don;t want to get close to anyone emotionally period and really fear it. I am not saying it is everyone but i had a sample size i tested it the numbers were 4-1 easy. So this leads me back to my point which is what kind of person are you? Are you a future person or a fun times person?

A future person is a person that someone can bring home to meet the family, able to carry a good conversation past the current  evens, have stimulating conversation, and be willing to go out of your comfort zone. A fun times person is a person being sneaked in the house after curfew, never meet the parents, only get called for sex or to go out to a place with pictures on the menu. This is one of those moments where you really have to be honest. I am sure you will read both and say you’re both but you don’t see a problem being the fun times person, which there isn’t a problem with that, but you can’t expect a future person to see value in you past the  fun times as well as the fun times person seeing value in you past the same fun times.

The future people want a future person in their life, someone who is loyal and not having a jumping phone that is populated with their “side/boo thang” texts/sexts and the like, how do you expect someone to feel comfortable when you getting calls and texts all night and day? there is no reason if you are a true future person that you have that going on and yes a guy can ask to drop a person and not talk to them and you will find every reason to not d it from he/she is  like family, my best, etc. Another thing future people are usually so consumed with their future they arn’t sitting around saying “I’m bored” like they waiting for someone else to entertain them, these people are more consumed with making sure their future is going the direction they want. Maybe I am speaking out the side of my head but i venture to say I’m not just think about it, don’t take it personal.

Advisor Speaks – Communication

Advisor Speaks – Lies/Cheats

A quick message to those who lie and cheat. I hope it hits a sensitive spot.

Crisis of Faith

Crisis of faith

Can’t tell you how long
How many times faith has been tested
The good and bad never been bested
My beads break in my hand
As I counted the digits
Felt their curves
They splinter with my frustration
In those moments Im floating on a cloud
Trying to capture thunder
To relight my dark corridors
The darkness and light battle
Hard, long, fierce
To control the source of limitlessness
Me
I’m a diamond in the rough
A injured demi god on the mend
But my crisis of faith
Troubles Asgard
My human side produces this crisis
To believe and continue
To know and to change course
Its easy to change course
Go the other way
Break heads and balls
Forsake all I know
All responsibilities and just
Do what’s “wrong”
Don’t believe in consequences
Put no stock in the payment
Take my captured lightening
My strengths from the Gods
And end all questions
Share no answers
Just act

Be Fearless in Love

Often times, we are very fearful when it comes to matters of the heart. We have been hurt a few times, and don’t want to open the door to the heart to anyone. This post is a call to action for those you love and that may not have expressed it to you.

Advisor Speaks

Man this mic was crappy but I decided to try audio posts. Who knows maybe it”ll be a weekly things but i hope you enjoy the topic.  I will definitely range the topic on many subjects just trying something new out. Innovation people.

The Challenge

Challenge!!

I have a challenge for you. Actually, it was a challenge I posed to my 4th period Creative Writing classes. I came across a quote yesterday while doing my lesson plans for them: “Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” -John Jakes I then asked them to raise their hands if any of the following questions applied to them: How many of you feel like, no matter where you are, what the circumstance or occasion is, who you’re around, or what you are doing, you are always your true self, regardless of any of the variables? How many of you are unafraid of and/or unaffected by what people say or think about you? How many of you feel insecure or afraid to express certain things about yourself? How many of you hide your true selves, for whatever reason? I was shocked at the response I got… So many of them admitted that they were afraid of expressing themselves, they told me that they were intimidated by what other people thought, and they have never truly been honest with anyone about who they really are. I then told them that, if there was no other place they could be honest, the one place where they could let go of all inhibitions and truly be themselves was in their writing. And I referred back to the aforementioned quote, telling them that the key to unlocking a truly good writer was the ability to first be honest with oneself. So I instructed them to write their full names underneath the quote, and then write until I told them to stop about who they truly were. (Example: One kid asked if he should write that he liked music. I told him that that was irrelevant to who he was, but if he considered himself a musician, then he should write that instead, as it contributes to the person he is.) You all would be SHOCKED if you could read the stuff these kids turned in. Many admitted to being gay, depressed, confused, insecure, unhappy, abused, neglected, sex/ drug/ alcohol addicts… I was so surprised! They were so HONEST. They admitted that there were some things about themselves that they’d never admitted to anyone that they wrote… and then some things that they didn’t even know about themselves until pen met paper and they began to pour themselves onto the paper. I was touched and moved, and this assignment did wonders for them as individuals. THEN (this assignment just keeps going) I collected them and read them aloud, keeping the identities of the authors anonymous. They listened intently, nodding in agreement, understanding the feelings of their peers. They left with a whole new level of appreciation for each other. It was one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had as a teacher. I wanted to do the assignment myself. I decided I’d do it here. And since the assignment was a tremendous success with my students, I wanted to extend it to you. At the top of your blog, write the quote. And then, tell me (and whoever else wants to read) about yourself. Be honest. If my high school students had the courage to, as awful and mean and judgmental as their peers could’ve been, I challenge you to have the courage to be brutally honest, too. You might be surprised at what you discover about each other… and about yourselves. It’s such a liberating thing to do. Go ahead. Happy Writing!